Thanks Dr. Shelby Webber!

Just got a lovely e-mail from an old friend of mine... the subject line read: "Stop feel shy of your male instrument size"... Aw, Shelby, you always know how to cheer me up. Seriously though, who writes this crap? Whoever they are, I hope they're on strike too, because with gems like that they deserve more money.

I'm fucking knackered... I was rudely awoken at 4am by my brother, who had forgotten his keys. My charming sibling brought one of his friends home, who happened to be tripping balls on acid and decided that he "felt like solace" and really, really wanted to hug me. Four times. Found it very hard to get back to sleep over the sounds of them loudly discussing the economy of China, cats, and why the kitchen floor had suddenly turned into a giant pool of water from which said cats were drinking.

Then it was up early to iron the monstrous pile of warm clothing that I've put off dealing with until today, the day before my trip. Last Minute Lucy. I am currently waiting for the dryer to finish so I can get my next fabric softener high... inhale that shit all day long and you'll know exactly what I mean.

Getting my hurr cut in a little while by Suzie '110%' Suze, a ridiculously cheerful and enthusiastic friend of mine, who will no doubt make the whole experience one akin to cuddling kittens in a field of cotton wool. She's gonna touch my head and I'm gonna like it.

This'll be my last ramble for a week, as I'm off to Austria tomorrow, FINALLY! And good news for.... well, just me, is I literally just got off the phone from booking another ski trip in March to the tax haven that is Livigno with 14 other complete messers. €5 for a big bottle of Smirnoff vodka. Says it all.

Have a great week everyone, I hope the weather doesn't stay like this for long... because I'm nice like that. If anyone wants me I'll be here:


See that dot? Yeah, that's me. Oh look! I'm waving! Hello future me! Yeah, see what I mean about the fabric softener?

The (Nude) Queen's Speech

This morning... okay, I lie, this afternoon... I woke up blushing furiously, the product of dreaming I was naked in public. Can't quite remember the details now, but we've all had the dream I'm talking about. And it got me thinking, being naked wasn't always embarrassing...

When I was younger, I was quite the exhibitionist... even going so far as to be a member of the imaginatively named 'Nudie Gang' when I was about 4-5 years old. I remember it so well and it still makes me laugh to this day. The Nudie Gang's activities consisted of waiting until my mother had friends over for tea/dinner/wine etc... then gathering all the neighbourhood kids, commanding them to strip, and then bursting into the kitchen and dancing around the kitchen table until my mortified mother managed to shoo us all away. There was even a hierarchy... of course I was in charge, and this warranted me to wear a dressing gown whilst addressing my naked troops of parental embarrassment... heaven forbid the leader caught a chill.

So where did the shame come from? And why? I'm groggy (having just woken at 2pm, yes I know, I live the dream) but I want answers dammit.... if anyone has any interesting articles or studies on the topic, I can't seem to find any so throw 'em my way.

Well, I'm off.... time for my very adult and sophisticated morning coffee chocolate milk. Where's my monocle?

So the weekend absolutely whizzed past....? It can't really be Wednesday already, can it? Wednesday = hockey = running. I already have so much to do today, seeing as we're off to Austria on Saturday. I have to pack (which I suck at) and generally just be organised (which I also suck at). So of course I'm lying here in bed putting it all off. Watching this helps:



Owen Pallett (AKA Final Fantasy, AKA the man behind the violin in Arcade Fire, AKA the brain behind my one of my favourite album names ever, 'He Poos Clouds') covering Bloc Party's "This Modern Love" with a violin and a loop pedal.

Makes me think of some of my favourite people and an amazing summer gone by. Right, time to shake off the fog and emerge from bed. Anyone feel like making me scrambled eggs?

Digital artist Jochem Hendricks

Fascinating. And beautiful.

Q&A, but I'm away, a sad day. (Poet. Didn't know it.)

Journalist and popcorn maker extraordinaire Una (who I may soon be bribing to lean Cathy Davey's direction in the Choice Music Awards, seeing as she is one of the judges) has just reminded me that I'm away for Q&A, one of THE best nights out for anyone who is passionate about not listening to the usual tripe you hear in night clubs. I haven't missed Q&A in as long as I can remember, this does not sit well with me.

In other news...

• This, this, and this made me laugh.

• These premiere photographs should be of interest to any L Word fans/people with eyes.

• Marc Jacobs will always have my heart. First the camel toe, and now this. Brilliance.

• Kate Middleton is still ridiculously hot.
  

• Today is Friday (AKA Vodkaredbullday) and something I just wrote to a friend reflects my mood quite well....
  

"I WANNA GET PISSED! HAMMERED! I want to be a mess! I wanna come home with things in my bag and not know why or how they're there! I wanna spend €200 and lament it the next day! I wanna drink too much vodka, followed by too much sambuca, and top it all off with too much Jaeger! I want to lose important belongings! I want there to be pictures of me kissing strangers the next day! I want to not remember how I got home! I want to be BEST FRIENDS with every single person in that club! I want to be told to 'Get down off the table' by the bar staff a million times! I want to smash glasses, break cameras, fall over... I WANT IT ALL HOLLY!"

You can't say I'm not a lady. Ha!


I'm off to do some laundry... I can't be a rockstar 24/7.

Reason number 9,428 why the internet is so great.

Someone up there was listening to me lament Lindsay's recent behaviour...

Allow me to present to you, 'Lucy's Wildest Dreams Come True Via The Medium Of Unsubstantiated Internet Rumours'.

(Or)ga(sm)dgets.

I want, I want, I waaaaant. This is the Lasonic i931 iPod Ghetto Blaster and my life will not be complete until I'm steaming down Grafton Street with this thing on my shoulder.

For those of you who aren't aware or actually give a shite, CES 2008 (like a porn convention for geeks) is upon us and this is one of the countless shiny, new toys on display. They're called (or)ga(sm)dgets for a reason folks! Great coverage can be found here, there's pages and pages of things that are going on my 'I will covet you and yet never receive' list.

V U L V A (Their words, not mine!)

THIS has to be seen to be believed. Definitely NSFW, unless you work in the vaginal fragrances industry. Everything about this makes me want to puke out of my nose into one of my shoes.

Mon grand-pére

Found a Wikipedia page, albeit a brief one, for my grandad... trouble is it's in French. What I don't get is why there's an article about an Irish rugby player on the French Wikipedia. I can't find anything in English anywhere. Sometimes I think they do it specifically to annoy me. Wow, how very Jenny Schecter of me. Sigh.

Ro Sham Bo

Fuck it, one more.



I wanna be a hot pro-snowboarder tooooo..... :(

T-minus 10 days and counting...

I'm soooo excited to hit the slopes it's not even funny... Tainer, Michy, Dave and myself are off for a week to shred it up in Austria and it really can't come soon enough. I have been appeasing myself by watching endless videos of female snowboarders... ANOTHER subset of women that I am wildly attracted to. There's just something about a girl in a pair of baggy pants and a beanie that totally does it for me. Now shh and just watch.


This trailer for Roxy's Labour of Love (film about female skiers/boarders) is worth watching for so many reasons... The awesome Boys Noize (heart them) remix of Feist's My Moon My Man being one. And Amber Stackhouse.... helloooo nurse!

The L Word goodness

Paris Hilton, Katherine Moennig and Ilene Chaiken at the LA Premiere
(Not sure how I feel about Paris even vaguely being associated with TLW, but seeing as TV shows can't catch herpes, I'll let this one slide)

Yesterday was lesbian Christmas. The official unveiling of the brand new (to those of us who didn't cheat, ETAIN AND RAGIN'!!) season 5 premiere of The L Word. We went at it big stylee, borrowing Fion's projector, popping corn (under the watchful and all knowing eye of Una), grabbing a few beers and some blikkage, and in short turning Tainer's apartment in the sky into a big gay cinema. Personally, I thought it was a great episode... I say personally, because we all know how TLW fans love to bitch and moan, SHAAAADDUP.

Best moment of the episode is EASILY Jenny's assistant abuse... "He hates you. Take him back to the groomer's now, and get orange ribbons, so he can like you again." Helena's strip search runs a close second... what a body!

Any and all of The Spices (and any breeders/gays who are so inclined, let's be inclusive here!) are invited to join us next Tuesday, and every Tuesday after that for the next 11 weeks... you know where to find us.

You MIGHT be a nerd if... Vol 1

... you are semi-seriously considering sticking this on your bedroom wall:




... you want an ITC One, an all in one entertainment center boasting an Xbox 360, DirecTV high-definition DVR, a Bryston high end digital surround sound processor, ICEpower high end D-Class amplifiers, a 4.3-inch touchscreen, an iPod dock amongst other extremely cool features. *snorts and pushes her glasses back up her nose*


... these research facilities are your next top 5 holiday destinations.


... you use science to help you stay as mind-bendingly drunk as possible without going over the hugging-the-toilet line. Useful reading for all you budding alcoholics.


... one of your nicknames is Google. (I cry myself to sleep at night.)

Mr. W

This is a brilliant ad, very clever.... I guarantee you will watch it more than once....

Oh the memories....

Someone just reminded me of Letterland, and holy shit it's a blast from the past. For those of you who were sent to a school who didn't sprinkle you with sparkles and rainbows, Letterland was an elaborate imaginary world inhabited by the alphabet. Each letter has it's own character and background story... it was a little like a soap opera. Based on letters interacting with each other. For kids. So not really like a soap opera at all. BUT it did have a resident bad boy, the letter N! Look how BAD he is, bending nails. I have a friend serving 6 in the Joy for nail-bending, GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN NICK!!! Hard as.


Of course, this wouldn't be MY blog without a little shameless self-promotion.... Bet none of you fuckers have your very own character?! Eat shit, bitches! Check out the rims on my lambs.

An example of the gold that StumbleUpon turns up....

Oh dear...

I've just come to the realisation that I'm a white supremacist. No, not in an Edward Norton kind of way. Turns out all my favourite sauces are white. Mayonnaise. Ranch. Sour cream. Garlic and herb. To name but a few. But I'm soooo not racist. I mean, I even have a black friend. Yeah, me and chocolate go way back.

For those who need help procrastinating...

... fear not for StumbleUpon (THE most addictive social community bar none) is here to ensure that you never get to sleep on time ever again! Basically, you tell SU what you're into (and not in a sexy way!) and it'll show you webpages based on your interests. Then, you can tell SU whether or not you liked the pages you were shown and based on that it'll start to hone in on pages that you'll really like. It also shows you pages based on what similar users like. As nerdy and lame as that sounds, it really does turn up some fucking kick ass pages!

Take it from someone who has to say 'Okay, this is the LAST Stumble and then I'm going to sleep' to herself and then still finds herself up an hour later!

Something about this cracks me the fuck up....

Rant off.............. rant ON!

It's too late and I'm too tired to type the rant I have inside me.... I thought I may have lowered the tone with all my Lindsey related musings and thought I'd raise the bar starting with a nice rant on why there is no such thing as 'Atheistic fundamentalism' (not according to the Archbishop of Wales) but I just don't have the fire. Instead, let me lazily link you to the writings of other people who both make some form of sense. Look at me pretending you care.... aw, her delusions are so cute!

Disagreeing with someone isn't being intolerant, folks.

Can an athiest be a fundamentalist?

Nonononononononooooo.......

From THIS:

To THIS:

If anyone needs me, you can just come scrape me off the pavement as I'm about to hurl myself off the roof....

The only thing stopping me doing something stupid right now is the fact I'll always have Hayden. She's only 5'1, and just turned 18. Right up my street. Short and barely legal. Give her a year and she'll be in and out of rehab, running over paparazzi and flashing her flaps like the best of 'em. Look! She's almost there!

Only 1 week to go...

Ridiculously exciting 'Behind the Scenes' look at The L Word season 5. Just watch.



I'm loving that there's apparently going to be tons more sex, more group scenes, and more pot brownies.... did anyone else get the impression that they weren't 'acting' stoned? The new girl is outrageously hot, I presume she is the oil wrestler Jenny gets her claws into. And I swear to god, if Bette and Tina get back together I'm going to... do something.... which adequately expresses... my disappointment.... SO THERE.

RDIs... Random Drunken Injuries....

Yes, I'm aware that it's been over a week since I last 'blogged' (using the lingo makes me feel like teh sex!!!11one) but blame fucking Christmas. Now that this booze-ridden holiday has passed we can all get on with our tinsel-free lives.

The amount of alcohol I have imbibed over the past month has led to me waking up with a menagerie of injuries that I sometimes can't explain. Last night was no different... I couldn't figure out why my ass was sore and then DING! I remember the spot of drunken skateboarding I partook in.... Or perhaps I might wonder why my nose is sore and there is a bruise on it and then DING! I remember that I opened a kitchen cupboard into my face last night.

Of course, sometimes the RDIs aren't as easy to remember/explain.... Something I did on Friday night has broken my right foot. Cut and swollen toes, and tendons and ligaments that GRIND and make groaning noises. I prefer my tendons mute thank you. I'm hoping it's all better for my skiiboarding adventure with the inhabitants of Hatch Street.... I promise I will video and then do an accompanying blog about Davih skiing. The world needs this. Just imagine the sounds that he'll emit.

As much as I hate any form of seasonal cheer, happy New Year everyone... I hope 2008 brings you all the chlamydia the world has to offer.